Hope you like the picture above! I’m not just saying that because it was drawn by yours truly – it will also be the first thing you see before reading each week’s GM/LM from here on out. The character in it is “SbetsMan,” a jokey masked alter ego I have had on the Internet for years now who watches more movies than a projector and is able to combine improper consonants in a single name. Prepare to see (or if you’d like, mindlessly bow down to) him in any future illustrations I may contribute to the site.
Okay, enough self-centered craziness. Let’s check out what’s in store for theaters for the week of May 20th, 2011 with today’s GOT ME/LOST ME.
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Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides
starring Johnny Depp, Penélope Cruz, Geoffrey Rush, and Ian McShane. Directed by Rob Marshall. Rated PG-13.
Let’s run down the list of changes here, shall we? McShane – the “Deadwood” actor with quite possibly the meanest (and clearest) growl in Hollywood – is Blackbeard. The stunning, talented Cruz is a mermaid. Rush – fresh off his Oscar nomination for The King’s Speech – is still on board as Barrbosa. There are no signs of that sickly sweet and distracting romantic side-story with Orlando Bloom and Keira Knightley (Are they in it at all?). Finally, director Rob Marshall (Chicago) is replacing the tedious Gore Verbinski…
All good by me!
GOT ME
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starring Owen Wilson, Rachel McAdams, Marion Cotillard, and Michael Sheen. Directed by Woody Allen. Rated PG-13.
Ever notice that whenever Woody Allen releases a film lately, it’s called “his best film in years”? It was said for Match Point, Vicky Christina Barcelona, and now this. Doesn’t matter – I’ll still see it since I generally like the work of Wilson and McAdams… And Sheen… And Cotillard… And Kathy Bates… Okay, the whole cast.
GOT ME
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starring the voices of Ernest Borgnine, Michael Madsen, Sandi Patty, and Anupam Kher. Directed by Deryck Broom and Roger Hawkins. Rated PG.
Introducing a new surefire nominee for Worst Film of 2011. It might even be a frontrunner for Worst Animated Film Ever (Watch out, Eight Crazy Nights!). The inclusion of Borgnine in this family film is also not very promising. I mean, have you seen Merlin’s Shop of Mystical Wonders? That was hard to sit through when it was an episode of “Mystery Science Theater 3000“!
LOST ME
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starring Kris Kristofferson, Val Kilmer, Dwight Yoakam, and Hilary Duff. Directed by Shane Dax Taylor. Rated R.
I never knew Crazy Heart had a brother!
In all seriousness, I became more enthusiastic about this film when I looked up its writer/co-star W. Earl Brown. Most people will recognize this Kentucky born actor as Dan Dority from “Deadwood” (Mark this as another good week for this show’s extraordinary cast) or Warren, Mary’s brother in There’s Something About Mary. He’s a great scene-stealer. As for Kristofferson, I’ve never been a huge fan, but this might be a good close-to-(if-not)-final film for the guy.
GOT ME
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starring Karoline Herfurth, Nina Hoss, Jennifer Ulrich, and Anna Fischer. Directed by Dennis Gansel. Not rated.
Your Blade-inspired looks don’t fool me! Twilight for Wild Things fans, if you catch my drift.
LOST ME
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Next Monday: New GOT ME/LOST ME for the week of May 27th. Be there or be square!